12:05 p.m. - 2005-11-12
Irish limerick
I just got this in an email from a friend of mine and had to post it:
Just thought of this..it's cheesy, but limericks are associated with Ireland, which is associated with luck, so hopefully this will bring you good luck on your test:
There once was a girl named Cat
Who totally aced the DAT.
Her efforts relentless,
She'll make a great dentist,
There is no doubt about that!
3:06 p.m. - 2005-11-10
What I learned from college dorm life:
These are things I learned during my 4 1/2 year duration of dorm life here at Luther.
Feel free to add your own to the list:
- Wrinkle releaser spray is a must. Ironing is a thing of the past unless you go broke (See next point)
- If you've run out of wrinkle releaser spray and can't afford a new bottle, a curling iron is sufficient to use to iron your clothes in its place.
- Duct tape is the fixit tool for anything. Even if you eventually have more tape than sandal (if that's what you're fixing), it's still perfectly good as long as it's one piece. (Duct tape can also double as a disposable strapless bra)
- Hemming pants can be quickly and easily accomplished with a simple Swingline stapler
- Laundry can be stretched to last from break to break by purchasing more underwear on sale at Walmart
- Dusting can be averted by putting a school book on top of the dust. Repeat when book gets dusty. It also makes mom and dad think you've been studying hard to see books stacked all over your room.
- Hard liquor doesn't freeze, so you can easily hide it in the little freezer up in the corner of the fridge where no one ever looks
- Goldfish can live up to 3 weeks without food
- Clothes don't need to be washed after you've only worn them once. A cheap bottle of Bath & Body Works perfume will keep your stuff fresh and clean for a few more rounds
- Taking silverware from the caf/Marty's isn't stealing 'cause they let you give them back at the end of the year without question. Take as much as you want. I think I had a full place-setting for a family of four by the end of last year
- Ramen noodles and pizza become a staple in your diet, and even turn into their own major food group category: , the "broke and hungry" food group
- After you've graduated and someone questions something you may have done in your past, you can easily excuse it with the phrase "while I was in college" and they'll understand
- As long as you're on the college internet network, you'll never have to purchase a CD again
- You get really good at math and word problems, i.e. "You have 2 large pizzas for 16.99 and 8 people going in on it. How much does each person pay including a 15% sales tax?"
- Space management becomes your forte. You're able to turn a 10x10 square foot cubby hole into a bedroom, office, and living room. The hot pot becomes its own kitchen
- You appreciate the eventual day when you'll get at or above the poverty level
3:45 p.m. - 2005-11-09
Bad friggin week
Bad friggin week (from 11-2-05)
Today has been a shitty kind of day. My neighbor next door, the one with the alarm clock issue about a month ago, keeps playing opera music way loud early in the morning and then sings along with it. This is while I'm trying to sleep after being up really really late studying last night, as well as after a big test I took that day before. I was due for a whole good night's sleep. While she has a really nice voice, hearing it bellowing through the solid brick wall at 7:30 in the morning just makes me want to do the thing Ariel had done in The Little Mermaid (where she loses her voice) until my alarm goes off at 9:15; then she can have it back. Morning went as usual after that until I got to biostats. I studied my ass off, hours and hours for that test, and I did horribly on it. My study buddy got an A. What the hell am I doing wrong? I haven't had a life in weeks because of the ochem test friday, the biostats test yesterday, the health test tomorrow I just remembered about an hour ago, and the DAT 2 weeks from tomorrow. I cried for a good half hour after getting back to my dorm today. All this hard work and lack of friends and lack of sleep is getting me nothing, no rewards, no benefits, nothing. All for me to pay $1000 towards applying to something that doesn't even seem worth it anymore. I've done everything for these people, I didn't drop out when my father died at the beginning of Junior year, nor did I drop out when my grandmother died 4 months later, or when my sister was in a serious car accident and ended up with a neck brace 2 months after that, or when my mom was hospitalized for complications from surgery and needed 3 blood transfusions, yep, you guessed it, that same year. Most people would've committed suicide by the end of that. I picked myself back up and got ready for the next blow. The thing that really stung at the end of all that was when the dental schools said "well we see that your father died, but your grades that year are low." That's like saying "we see you were pushed off a hundred-story building, but you broke your arm" as a reason I didn't get in. Assholes.
I completely got off subject there. Oh well, I need a good rant, cry, shoulder to do the aforementioned, and SOMETHING to go right for a change. Maybe this is God's way of saying it's my turn for the lightning bolt to hit me. It's hit everyone else in my immediate family, I'm just waiting to get struck.
I'm going home this weekend. Maybe it'll be a good recharge and 'reset' button for me so I don't lose my sanity before Christmas break.
5:29 p.m. - 2005-11-08
friendships with the opposite sex
My sister suggested I update this one for those of you who can't get access to my blogspot blog for whatever reason, so I'll start with a couple of days ago:
I'm starting to think it might be impossible for me to have a good plutonic friendship with anyone. I have remained on good terms with my ex boyfriends to the point where I'm in one of their upcoming weddings, and all but two of them have apologized to me for how they treated me during the short time we were together. But for the most part, I seem to be incapable of maintaining a good friendship with those of the opposite sex. I'm referring to the types of friendships where we'd call each other on a regular basis for updates, and be able to turn to each other if either of us has had a bad day, etc. This is an exception with TJ of course, as he is my best friend of the male persuasion, but I don't consider that to be plutonic, I'm marrying that one. I can never seem to get my guy friends to open up to me and be able to come to me with good/bad times. My one, "closest" guy friend here at school doesn't even stop by to hang out ever, I usually have to initiate everything. Am I just too much of a "girl" to be close to guys? Is the fact that I'm even blogging about this my downfall? Even as a tomboy when I was growing up I seemed to repel boys from being my friend. Teasing was our only form of communication, and that still seems to be a factor for a few of my current ones. I love my girl-friends, but it's nice to have some guy friends to put a male-spin on the world too.
2:51 p.m. - 2005-06-15
moving jitters
I'm getting scared of moving. I don't know what exactly it is, and TJ jokefully called it "fear of commitment", but I'm just worried something will go horribly wrong. Maybe it's because the last person I expected to turn their back on me did so this past year, or maybe I've just got the jitters. I'm so used to being on my own, so to speak, in this relationship due to the long distance, so I'm worried that when I'm actually with TJ, I won't know how to act with him really there in person. I'm scared of being too selfish because I'm so used to being alone. Things these past 3 1/2 long-distance years have been phone conversations and instant messages a lot during the day, but for the most part I was "free", in a way, to do anything I wanted to when I wanted to do it without considering my other half's involvement. An example would be a night out with the girls. It wouldn't have to be checked in with TJ, 'cause I really wouldn't be abandoning him at home for the girls, he'd be on the other side of the state doing his own thing. He'd come to visit or I'd go by him and we'd have a wonderful weekend together, but that was it, a couple of days together. They're wonderful times, but I'm hoping we can keep that excitement and anticipation that we feel when the other one is coming that following weekend going all the time. I want to be able to wake up every morning and be excited that TJ is right there to get to hang out with again that day, and for the entire summer to come. I've moved so many times that it almost feels like life is that way; you stay at one spot until the excitement fizzles and then you move to a new place. I don't want that to happen here. Don't get me wrong, I have faith in us and love TJ with everything I am, it's just a totally new experience for me, and another huge change in my life. I've had so many big changes that have been horrible lately that another big change has me a little worried. And TJ: don't be worried by this entry, I did say yes back in December for a reason :o)
10:41 p.m. - 2005-06-14
florists, Steve's birthday at OG
The chickee who has been wishy-washy about when I would be starting work in Sheboygan this summer reemed me out today for not knowing the exact date that I would need off to take the DAT in August. Can we say hypocrite? I had to hunt her down and email her like 4 times to get a time-range of when she might need me to move over, and then BAM, she needed me ASAP. Now I'm moving this weekend and start at 7am this coming Monday. But I'm the evil one if I don't know the one day I'll need off 2 months from now? That just doesn't sound right to me. Today went well otherwise, my mom and I looked at florists to get boquet ideas. My sister came over before we went out to dinner for her boyfriend's birthday and I showed her the bridesmaid dresses I'm pretty certain of. She gave a big stink that they're strapless. It's a beautiful dress, and I tried it on to see how well it stays up, which it does quite well. I'm pretty relaxed on the other things too, like they can wear whatever shoes they want as long as they're all the same color, and their nails and hair don't have to be the exact same (although I'd like it if their hair was up somehow or another). Otherwise I think I'm being pretty good in not demanding much from them other than the perfectly normal dress purchase. The dress is $150, which isn't too outrageous for a bridesmaid dress; It's definitely much better than $200. I still only have my maid of honor one bridesmaid (my sister) picked out. I'll figure out the rest of 'em next year around this time when I see who I've kept in touch with over the next year. Back to the going out to dinner thing, we went out to the olive garden for supper tonight. I seriously feel like my stomach is going to explode. I've been eating pretty healthy lately and then today mom brought home chinese food. I love chinese food, but it's so greasy and heavy, and then the OG food didn't help either. I feel like if I tried eating anything else I'd be sick right now or explode. Ok enough with the rambling, I'll write again when I'm not just brain-dumping anything that pops into my head...
12:54 p.m. - 2005-06-09
no babies
Since I've been home I've been hearing a lot about relatives and family friends who are having babies. This isn't like the time last Christmas when everyone and their mom was getting engaged; this time I'm scared out of the idea of ever bearing children. Granted, if I ever were to bring a youngun into the world it wouldn't happen for a very long time, but the way I see it, that "time" is getting longer and longer away. For the sake of sheer costliness, I won't be able to afford a child for at least the next 6 years. This is due to the fact that IF I get into dental school for the 2006-07 school year (which is highly unlikely at this point), I won't be done with schooling until 5 years from now. On the more likely chance that I don't get in and start hygiene school and reapply to dental school, It'll be 6 years from now that I'll be graduating. I heard from one dental school that you graduate with a quarter of a million dollars in debt. Yeah, affording a kid ain't happening. Another point is the parent factor. A lot of people say that "how you raise your child is just like how your parents raised you." This concept scares the begesus outta me. So this means that if TJ should ever die early on that I'm going to abandon said child for bunny-sex with a guy I pick up in grief group? How about for the sake of the child I just don't ever have one. The thought of raising a kid in a near-welfare, constant fighting, unsympathetic lifestyle just makes me want to call Sally Strothers from those save-the-children commercials. I'd rather just get a puppy!
12:43 p.m. - 2005-06-03
counseling, graduation, wedding dress
Oh man, when was the last time I updated? Wow, almost a month ago. Alrighty then...I graduated from Luther on the 22nd of May. That was pretty neat except I was stressed out beyond words. Finals went horrible. I studied my ass off and did really bad on my biochem and physics finals apparently. I at least thought I did well on my physics one but got a C on it, and biochem-well I can easily guess... I've got myself mentally prepped to go to hygiene school after next year considering my final grades, although I'm not giving up on dental school; I'll keep applying as I go. Moving home caused me the most stress. I think you all know how wonderful things have been with my mom lately (insert extreme sarcasm here). I told her the only way I'm coming home is if we start going to family counseling. Well it's been 3 sessions now and there's not much change happening yet. She still blames me when she gets in fights with my sister and still doesn't understand that I don't hate Jim in all this and don't want them to break up to solve it. That's the last thing I need is her resenting me for a break up on top of everything else. She sees the counseling as a way to get me to "see the light" in all this, when it's actually giving her a good wake up call. I think the counselor has been telling her that she's not being a mom anymore and even said to me in front of mom that "after your dad died you lost your mom too." Boy did that get a tear or two out of her. Mom also said some things recently that can pretty much be summed up as saying TJ and I won't last to get to the wedding. Still pissed about that one.
Other than that I've been sitting around waiting to hear from Midwest Dental for when I should move/escape to Sheboygan to start work. I don't have the email addy of my contact person on my mom's computer, it's on mine which is dismantled around the house at the moment. I suppose I should put it back together and talk to the chickee since it's been weeks since I've heard from her.
On the bright side, I found my wedding dress. I won't describe it here in the off chance that TJ will ever read it, so I'll describe it as bright orange with huge bows and poofy sleeves. I know it's early, but it's THE dress and won't go out of style, it's a timeless kinda dress. I also found my bridesmaid dresses. They're less than $150, and I've been told that the designer doesn't pull things out of stock, so they'll still be there in a year when I actually decide on bridesmaids.
Julie came to visit too :o) We went to Big Falls to sunbathe and swim, putzed around the mall, went mini-golfing, and saw Madagascar. Julie, four words for you: Sugar Honey Ice Tea!
TJ has been here the whole time as well. It's nice to get to spend time with him. He's enjoying being back in town, seeing me, and getting to see his best friend Ryan again. They've been having some good quality boy time of watching Brewers baseball.
Memorial day weekend also brought a visit to Christine's boyfriend Steve's farm. We met up with my cousin Janine and her fiance Dan, who are both from Chicago and had never been to a farm. Last year on Memorial weekend they went to Mexico together, this year they go to a farm. Boy do they like the two extremes! I can't wait to see pics from that weekend. I held a baby pig, fed pigs, cows, and baby cows. I got to see a calf that was an hour old! He was so cute :o) I named the 1-day old cow Skippy and one of the older calves Moo. I thought the name Moo was kinda like Boo from Monster's Inc; named after what they said.
Well I think that's it for the update. I probably will be sporatic in updating this summer like last time, so don't be worried if you don't see a post for a while. 'Til next time!
6:52 p.m. - 2005-05-16
Mission statement
A couple of months ago in my management class, we did this thing online where we generated our personal mission statement. I think it says a lot about how I look at life, and about myself as a person, so I figured I'd share it here:
Live life how you want to live it. Don't do things just because other people think you should, or not do something because someone might look down on it. It's your own life and you only get one of them. Life is supposed to be hard, so live it to its full extent: Work hard, play hard, but just don't be hard or you'll miss out on many of life's opportunities. Your parents aren't always right, but that doesn't mean they don't love you or that you shouldn't love them. Cherish those you love, you never know when they will be taken from you. Goals: There is a difference between goals and expectations. Expectations rarely go the way you want them to, but goals will always be there. Goals are what you're striving for, expectations are how you think you're going to achieve that goal. If you have your mind set on it, goals hardly ever fail, it's the expectations that let you down.
1:10 p.m. - 2005-05-15
lonely
I apologize if I've seemed grumpy to anyone recently. I, like most people right now, am at a big shift-point in my life, only I deal with it a lil different. A lot of times I almost, without always realizing it, separate myself from those I am/was close to in order to make the transition less painful, whether it's because I'm not going to see them much anymore, or just so I don't snap at them or offend them while in this transition and lose them as a friend. I've found that probably because of my doing this, that I am extremely lonely and starved for attention. With TJ so far away and everyone here getting busy with things, I just feel so alone. This could also be due to the fact that my family "foundation" has basically gone to shit. My mom doesn't really act like a mom anymore and isn't there as my "anchor" as one person reassured me she should be at this point, and my sister and I only ever get along when it pertains to mom not being there for us. The only member of the family that's still pulling for me 100% is my dog Sammy who I hear barking at the phone every time I call. Mom says he doesn't do that for every phone call, pretty much just me. I'm gonna miss him when I'm in Sheboygan this summer. I'm still a little nervous about that whole situation too. I don't want to impose on TJ's parents, but TJ was the one who told me to ask for Midwest Dental hours there in the first place. I guess I didn't expect the office to actually pull through for me for the whole summer...
I also am dreading the repeat of last year. This is happening almost carbon copy to last year. This summer I'll be yet again taking the DAT and reapplying to a bunch of dental and hygiene schools. Then next school year I'm repeating organic chem and micro, just like fall semester when dad died. There'll be some nightmares associated with that I'm sure.
Well 1 final down, 3 to go. I'm getting excited for the bacclaureatte and graduation now. Unfortunately a lot of people, including my mom, don't really care or see it as an important event just because I've decided to take more classes next year. It's as if the hard work and struggles I've gone through these past 4 years, even just this past year and a half, don't matter.
